AS martial artists we all like to think
that somehow the arts have made us better people.
We hear all of the time through
magazines and publications such as Martial News how martial arts have changed
this person or that one and led them to have more compassion, understanding and
be more ethical as a human being.
And in the case of many people this may
be true.
Yet there is a dark side that we rarely
acknowledge in the cold light of day, a festering sore that has to be covered
up and ignored.
And this is bullying...
Of course, in the past this type of
behaviour used to be done face-to-face and quite often manifested itself in
actual physical harm being done to another. And this still goes on with some
instructors and students indulging in their base natures in dojos, gyms and
kwoons at the detriment of others.
Nowadays it usually is often done
through the keyboard and is aimed at those who are different (read – race,
disability, sexuality or gender or even social class).
And likely or not it’s done on social
networks such as Facebook or forums.
Yet if you were to accuse such people
that they were bullies they’d throw their hands up claiming that it wasn’t
true, that they were only exercising their right to free speech and the best of
all “that it was only a bit of harmless fun”.
But it’s not a bit of harmless fun and
can have serious repercussions. We have all read in national and regional
newspapers of boys, girls and young women who have killed themselves because
this abhorrent behaviour has got to the point where their lives have been
devastated by the constant harassment.
And for every person who ends their
lives because of these malignant acts there are countless others who end up
scarred for life mentally ending up with low-self-esteem and depression and
other mental problems.
Now I’m not casting myself as some Snow
White, some holier-than-thou moral creature who is without “sin”. We have all
done things as children, young adults or even as grown-ups that in the cold
light of day are just simply wrong. I guess that’s because I’m a human being
with all the foibles, stupidities, and frailties of ego that we all carry
around with us. I was, as a teenager, always getting into fights...but one
hopes, as you grow older, you recognise your own stupidities and least attempt
to change and grow.
And sometimes we do things which we
think is nothing more than a bit of harmless fun – and maybe that was the
intention – but to those on the receiving end it can seem the cruellest twist
of a barbed knife.
That can be forgiven as there was no
malicious intent and when such things are pointed out as having a negative
impact on another, the person doing the act quickly realises this and are quite
horrified. To err is to be human to forgive is divine...
But when individuals or groups of
people take every opportunity to put another person down, try and destroy their
reputation and cause mischief to them at every turn then that is nothing more
than bullying of the most debased kind.
And what strikes me the most in these
cases is that the people concerned cannot see how they appear to others. They
are so consumed with hatred for their victim that they don’t see how they look
to the rest of us...
Every action we do is a mirror of our
self, a reflection of our personalities and how we appear to those around us.
If you are an aggressive person you are perceived to be an aggressive person by
those who come in contact with you, if you are a happy-go-lucky type then
everyone views you as a happy person, and if you bully others then you are seen
as a bully. Or to put it another way: if it waddles like a duck, quacks like a
duck, then it’s a duck.
Now, I’m not saying that people
shouldn’t have criticism for making mistakes – who hasn’t made mistakes – and
as long as that criticism is a true critique that is being done to help that
person grow and develop then that is a good thing. A rounded person will take
that on board and use it to their advantage and strive to make sure any
mistakes in the future are kept to a minimum.
But that is a different thing from
consistently pouring bile and derision on someone for little reason than you
don’t like them, have fallen out with them or are simply jealous because they
get attention while you do not (how pathetic is that).
If you indulge in such behaviour then
you are simply a bully and the world sees you for what you really are. People
are not stupid and the vast silent majority of us simply do not like this
behaviour and frankly look at you with the contempt you truly deserve.
Treat others how you would want to be
treated yourself.
And if you cannot respect another
person then at least show some respect for yourself – you are what you project
out to the wider world and you are labelled accordingly by all those who see
your acts.
Look in the mirror...
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